New Year - lots of 'damn'
It's January. hooray
I finished my C4 in Music Tech. hooray hooray
I've been on holidays for weeks and weeks and weeks. hooray hooray hooray
But this luxurious time of suspension must resolve - ideally downwards by semitone in the inner voice - and then it's time to DO STUFF.
The only damn question is what...
The lovely thing about studying full time last year, apart from meeting some damn cool people, learning some damn cool stuff, beginning to address my computer phobia and conservatorium anxiety, was the scaffolding that full time study provided. I didn't have to decide what to do, or when, or why. And between study, part time work, and familial/domestic responsibilities I was a very busy chicken. I was saturated - too full to be able to make decisions anyway, even if I wanted to.
And now all that is behind me and I have spare time again. And with that freedom comes responsibility. Damn. Damn. Damn.
I had considered a management style planning retreat, to nut out my vision statement, missions, objectives and aims. Move goal posts, level playing fields, crush the opposition. Plan to maximize customer satisfaction, generally aim for world domination etc. Saints preserve us - had I lost my mind?
Having rejected that, I tried meditating to discover my heart's yearning. Hmmm. Apparently my heart yearns for more sleep .
I didn't get into the course I applied for. And then spent some time swimming up stream with the doubt trout. Am I a delusional, talentless fool?
One can only go on in this fashion for so long. Eventually it's time to just vacuum all this shit up and look to Dr Martin Luther King Jr's apt quote
"To take the first step in faith, you don't have to see the wholestaircase: just take the first step."
So instead of worrying about the damn staircase, I'll just take a step.
My step and it's still damn big...
Get my compositions in order. This means:
1. proper sheet music on sebalius or similar instead of my handwritten scrawl. This is just going to mean software and time.
2. proper recordings. This means finding and funding beautiful singers, to rehearse and record and finding and funding a good studio for classical vocals.
3. Any other loose ends. I still have an incomplete game project from last year to finish writing. My Opera needs to be rewritten - turns out there is some craft to a good libretto after all! Who would have thunk it? And I really want to use what I have learnt in C4 to create an electronica backing of sorts for the Oratorio.
See what I mean. That's a damn big step. I've got three major works, and somewhere between 50 and 100 vocal ensemble songs or arrangements.
I must be a damn whole staircase junky, I automatically think, but then what? What will I do after that? What will be the point in this?
So I'm writing this blog, as some sort of commitment, partly to doing this stuff, and partly to sticking only to this stuff.
Ok? Damn it.
I finished my C4 in Music Tech. hooray hooray
I've been on holidays for weeks and weeks and weeks. hooray hooray hooray
But this luxurious time of suspension must resolve - ideally downwards by semitone in the inner voice - and then it's time to DO STUFF.
The only damn question is what...
The lovely thing about studying full time last year, apart from meeting some damn cool people, learning some damn cool stuff, beginning to address my computer phobia and conservatorium anxiety, was the scaffolding that full time study provided. I didn't have to decide what to do, or when, or why. And between study, part time work, and familial/domestic responsibilities I was a very busy chicken. I was saturated - too full to be able to make decisions anyway, even if I wanted to.
And now all that is behind me and I have spare time again. And with that freedom comes responsibility. Damn. Damn. Damn.
I had considered a management style planning retreat, to nut out my vision statement, missions, objectives and aims. Move goal posts, level playing fields, crush the opposition. Plan to maximize customer satisfaction, generally aim for world domination etc. Saints preserve us - had I lost my mind?
Having rejected that, I tried meditating to discover my heart's yearning. Hmmm. Apparently my heart yearns for more sleep .
I didn't get into the course I applied for. And then spent some time swimming up stream with the doubt trout. Am I a delusional, talentless fool?
One can only go on in this fashion for so long. Eventually it's time to just vacuum all this shit up and look to Dr Martin Luther King Jr's apt quote
"To take the first step in faith, you don't have to see the wholestaircase: just take the first step."
So instead of worrying about the damn staircase, I'll just take a step.
My step and it's still damn big...
Get my compositions in order. This means:
1. proper sheet music on sebalius or similar instead of my handwritten scrawl. This is just going to mean software and time.
2. proper recordings. This means finding and funding beautiful singers, to rehearse and record and finding and funding a good studio for classical vocals.
3. Any other loose ends. I still have an incomplete game project from last year to finish writing. My Opera needs to be rewritten - turns out there is some craft to a good libretto after all! Who would have thunk it? And I really want to use what I have learnt in C4 to create an electronica backing of sorts for the Oratorio.
See what I mean. That's a damn big step. I've got three major works, and somewhere between 50 and 100 vocal ensemble songs or arrangements.
I must be a damn whole staircase junky, I automatically think, but then what? What will I do after that? What will be the point in this?
So I'm writing this blog, as some sort of commitment, partly to doing this stuff, and partly to sticking only to this stuff.
Ok? Damn it.
posted by aajodie at 11:05 AM
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